Hello reader,
Allow me to introduce myself; i'm the waitress who's been serving all of you for the last six years of my life. I'm 22 years old, and could tell you a mountain of stories that I'm sure would amaze, surprise and dare I say it, even shock you.
I've been waiting tables for six years now, and to sum up my experience in a pithy phrase--I hope you get food poisoning. Now I dont mean that I actually want you to be terribly ill or die. Heavens, no! I am a giving servant after all. I mean simply that waiting on all you has lead me to nearly curse, drink, yell, scream, pull my own hair out, pull your hair out, and in general try and find a way off of the earth if only to avoid incessant questions and a thankless patron.
Now, let me be clear reader, it hasn't all been bad. There have been over the year some exceptionally kind regulars that I have had the pleasure of serving. However, the majority are not exceptionally kind, but rather dry, humorless, selfish, self-entitled nitwits. For that, I say thank you for teaching me patience my darling imbeciles. You have truly contributed to my growth.
But despite my self-reflection and sensible desire to learn from others and grow, I still firmly believe, my dear reader, that restaurant patrons can learn a thing or two about humility, kindness, and respect. Therefore, since I have found the majority to be completely deficient in simply saying "thank you miss" or heaven forbid looking at me whilst they order me about, I can only conclude:
I Hope You Get Food Poisoning.
XoXo,
the waitress
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